Where To End?

Well, I feel that this is all worth explaining in some moderately public fashion, considering that maybe, at most, 4 people will ever read this, and they'll all be people that I care about. So, here it is. In the last month and a half, I've unfortunately experienced things I never believed I'd have to. I have been humbled in ways that I can barely begin to describe. I've been passing the time by joking about anything and everything. The bottom line is when you've completely fucked up your life in irreversible manners, you just have a streamlined view of where you're heading. This is because you tell yourself and everyone around you that you've clearly hit rock bottom, and the only way to go from here is up. Then, when the pace slows down, every moment of that event comes back in wretched detail. Suddenly, I've remembered every aspect of my car accident, the whole night, all of it. Comparatively, it's like continually walking up a mountain and feeling the coldest wind blow across the peak.

The worst of all of this, for me, has been that for the past 3 weeks, I've been in the best mood that I can recall. This was all brought to a close this weekend due to the fact that my mom has become ill with something. We're waiting on the results. 50/50 that it's ovarian cancer.