Hello, Mediocrity!

Paul Blart: Mall Cop is apparently the number 1 movie in America at this point in time. Fat guy on a segway+ slapstick comedy for, I'll assume, 2 hours. Oh boy! The more I think about my ever increasing contact with what's actually going on in the "popular culture" world today, the more I get sick. Hold on, wait, blogpost on the internet ranting against pop culture? Why don't you get more cliche, you fucking douche?!

Exactly. Instead, I'll talk about how mediocrity reigns supreme in other ways.

-Vegetarians because they have morals.
I have morals, too. Mine are all about hoping you still get cancer.

-American Apparel clothing for men (minus the plain t shirts and hoodies. that is just comfortable)
Yes, if you wear those deep V-cut necks, you definitely have no taste. Straight, gay, whatever. You look like the reject ballerina from a never aired Hall and Oates video. Oh, it's ironic to look like a piece of shit? This brings me to my next point.

-Irony.
Here's why your hipster irony is so mediocre. If you're actually trying to be cool by "not being cool," it's not irony. It's pathetic. So take your 1975 "Jesus loved me at camp" faded T-shirt, rolled up jeans, gigantic glasses ("it's funny cuz I'm a nerd."), love of "undiscovered 'indie'" music, Bape hoodie and shove it straight up your ass. Anytime I see that, all I see is "hold on guys. I swear that once you get to know me, I have a great personality!" Here's the irony: You will always suck at life, and if your fixed gear bikes don't kill you, I hope your post-modern coke addictions will!

-Angry blog posts on the internet by fat pieces of shit from Ohio
Yeah. This is terrible. Those scumbags probably sit around and listen to coal chamber after ranting about how much the "corporate world sucks." Shit, man. Their parents probably even love them and shit!

-Credit Cards
The rest of this century will be about restraint. Take your poor credit rating, because you're already 50k in debt from college, and shove it. If you don't pay in cash, you're not killing trees, and if you're not killing trees, you're just not my kind of person.

- Punk Rock/ Hardcore
Remember that first time you went to an actual punk rock and hardcore show? Yeah. It kicked ass. Some drunk dickbag kicked you in the chest. I've been informed that the new thing is to mix "ironic" electronica with "Screamo" screaming and singing. Let me inform you, folks, that if hell is on it's way, it can not come soon enough. This is beyond mediocre. It's terrible. I lump it in with the general love of mediocrity because, well, quite frankly PEOPLE ARE BUYING THE RECORDS.

I think that's all I've got in me now before my eyes melt out of my skull and I fucking die of hypertension! Sink fast, Let's go!