Illness: Week 7

So, I've been sick since Dec. 17th or thereabout. I can't explain it any other way than I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. My chest feels like hell, I'm no better off than I was 6 weeks ago, I've been on 3 antibiotics that I'll assume I'm now immune to, I can now feel fluid in my lungs, my heart is beating at a rapid rate for no apparent reason, and I'm sure the doctor will do next to nothing to resolve this situation when I see him tomorrow. On top of all of that, it seems anytime I get tense or under a lot of stress now, my previously injured foot starts hurting, a slight sweat starts breaking out, and all of the anxiety I felt say back in May starts creeping through my body again. This makes it especially hard because hacking my lungs out has started to really wear me thin which causes the anxiety to occur several times a day. Sweet.

Ironically, this has all occurred when I'm on whole eating healthier, working out, not drinking, taking vitamins, and else wise attempting to lead a healthier lifestyle. Go me.

I used to jokingly say "I think I'm losing my mind."

Well, I think it's truly started to happen. I don't know how or why, but Sunday night, I had some sort of intense "flashback" of my whole accident. I don't know what triggered it, etc. etc. I'll cite stress. It was intense enough to make my body physically ache and caused me to spend most of the night sweating. Could just be remorse for all I know.

I made it through Monday at school being able to joke around and what not, but by the time I'd made it home, that mood was killed. Herein lies the dual nature of what's been going on. I've been feeling fantastic for weeks at a time, and then, this recurring memory comes back over and over until I'm just in a terrible mood for weeks on end. If I actually trusted psychiatry, I'd go see a psychiatrist, but I bet money they'd want to stick me on some mood altering substances just because and not the good kind. When the voices come on, we'll see..... that's a joke.

So, I apologize for any and all rude behavior I've exhibited over the past few months and for the months to come. I'm trying to cope with some of the more annoying consequences of the decisions I've made, and in turn, it's brought this reoccurring nightmare. I'm trying to eliminate one of the main issues that's been bogging me down by the middle part of next month. I hope that helps substantially.

Children rule

I love kids. They're brutally honest, will paint you awesome pictures, etc. They're my kind of people.

My sister, a 12 year old, just looked at my mom and said "mom, why are creationists so stupid?" Yesterday, she drew a picture of "Sebraham Lincoln."

She started a story called "A Rat Named Smith."

Remember when life used to be that simple and awesome? yeah. me too.

Attn: Life

Hold still for like a week. I have so much crap I need to do over the next couple weeks. It is ridiculous. Also, my family finally bought a new television. They're nerding out over the raw power of an HD television. Unfortunately, they're not getting any HD signal because they're cheap bastards.

Anyways, school work, IRB paperwork, capstone project, etc. etc. shhhhiiiitttttttt